After 34 years of creating engagement, here’s the surprising story of how it all started — and it began with the worst twenty minutes of my teenage life.
I’m 14 years old and in grade 9. I’m sitting at my desk, head down, doing my work when, suddenly, in the middle of the class, Mr. Sutherland barks, “Hey you, Haskett, you!… I want to see you after class.”
After class, he says: “Roger, a bunch of teachers have been tasked with finding student leaders.” And he looks at me.
I look over my shoulder at the emptying classroom. “Um … you want me to help you find student leaders?”
“What? No. Idiot. You. You’re the student leader I’ve found. Next Tuesday you’re coming to a lunch. With me. Now get out of here.”
You’d think I’d be ecstatic. But instead, each step I take, I’m more stressed. Each step, I sink deeper into crisis. “I’m a Leader? ME?
Thoughts smash & crash in my head, louder and louder, pushing everything else out of the way. I’m struggling not to drown in the frantic, overwhelming, potent energy inside of me. I was desperate — many of my great ideas have been motivated by desperation. I got some social support.
“Lindsay, I’ve been invited to this lunch for student leaders.”
“Oh, am I invited too?”
“No. Sorry. I’m invited. But I want you to come with me. I’m a leader so I’m inviting you” (wildly overstepping my role here!)
Lindsay, being such a great friend, says, “Is lunch free or do I have to pay?”
The Lunch
Lindsay and I open the door… I stop dead in the doorway. There are adults in the room! Strange adults wearing suits and stylish dresses. I’m dressed like a 14-year-old kid in runners, a t-shirt and jeans!
Thoughts and ideas swirled around my head. “Who are these adults? Was I supposed to wear a suit? I don’t even own a suit!… What if I just go to the bathroom and never return? How important is high school, really? Wow, that girl over there is really cute.”
Up pops the principal… “I’d like each of you to stand up, say your name and tell us a little something about yourself.”
The Firing Squad
I immediately fall into a panic. As people stand up and talk, every eye turns to them. And suddenly it feels like a firing squad! And I’m waiting for my turn, for the guns (eyes) to turn on me. My head is pounding. My breathing is shallow and labored. My mind is screaming RUN! But my body is frozen in fear.
First the Black Hole
I have my first “black hole experience”… everything in my head gets sucked into the black hole that used to be my brain. What is left? Nothing. I have nothing to say.
Then Black Magic
The only refrain circling inside my head has been, “I’ve got nothing to say! I’ve GOT NOTHING!” Magically it becomes, “I AM NOTHING.”
I AM NOTHING.
The Joke
At that moment, Lindsay leans over and whispers, “This is what I’m going to say…” And what he says next is so hysterical, so shocking that even in my heightened state of crisis, I burst out laughing. As does Mr. Sutherland. Damn it, Lindsay! Lindsay — who wasn’t even invited to this student leader lunch — is going to kill with his joke. And I have nothing! I am NOTHING!
And then suddenly the guns are pointing at me. I tell myself, “Don’t work legs! Just sit still! Just look at Lindsay like he’s next! Brilliant!”
None of that escapes my black hole brain.
I am now standing! How? What?
WHAT! IS! HAPPENING!!!
My open mouth … and out pops … Lindsay’s joke.
Lindsay’s joke, that he had so graciously “written” for me, KILLS. The audience is erupting with laughter and applause. But instead of lapping it up, I am sitting down into the darkest moment of my (young) life.
“…I followed many of your suggestions and found to my amazement that I WAS NOT EVEN NERVOUS! I had fun, guests had fun, people bought books… You had an enormous impact on me and my ability to achieve this life-long goal… thank you, thank you, thank you!”
— A.K. White, Author of No Reason to Stay
What I found in my worst moments
Something so big it touched my soul. I found that inconsequential (but real) stress could change my character. My character!
In that darkest moment… I decided that stress was not going to determine my character. Rather, my character would (try to) determine how I responded to stress. A journey to find my internal power had begun.
How stress changes your character
That journey became a book and a course. Here’s what it does for the people in the room:
“Your session was LIFE CHANGING and the best I attended throughout the whole conference. Please keep on doing what you do — there are millions of others whose life needs an impact like mine had.”
— Anonymous Attendee, Pacific Dental Conference
“…this event was LIFE CHANGING for me. THANK YOU FOR DOING WHAT YOU DO!!!”
— Lorraine Peña, Bosa Development
“Thank you to both Michael and Roger. Your work is EXTREMELY HELPFUL AND VALUABLE as it has the power to CHANGE THE TRAJECTORY OF PEOPLE’S LIVES.”
— Scott Lee, Founding Partner, Revesco Properties
If you want that system for yourself, it’s Pressure Cooker Confidence. To bring it to your team, let’s talk. It’s also the heart of every keynote I give.
Ever had your own “black hole” moment in front of a room? I’d love to hear about it — drop me a line.
P.S. — If you’re like most people (big, dangerous assumption), then right now you’re dying to know: what was the joke? Here’s the funny thing: neither Lindsay nor I have the slightest idea what it could have been. We never remembered it. But it was huge — at least when I was 14.
